Q. We are having a son soon and I don't want him circumcised. My husband does, but I think he's given up arguing with me because he knows I firmly believe routine infant circumcision is bad and I wouldn't stand for anyone to do that to our son. The problem is that my husband was circumcised as a baby and now he thinks I hate his penis because I don't want our son circumcised. I have used such words as "mutilation" and "abuse" to describe circumcision. He thinks that I think he is inadequate now and not good enough for me and less of a man. I love my husband (and his penis) and I hate that he thinks these things! What can I say/do to help him realize I don't hate his penis just because I want my son to have the opportunity to make his own decision regarding his foreskin??
I've told him, he just doesn't believe me..... :-/
I've told him, he just doesn't believe me..... :-/
Answer
Your situation is very common. It's called Adamant Father Syndrome. The best thing you could do is show him videos of it being done. I was almost in the same situation as you, but made him change his mind. I told him the truth about circumcision - they cut off 20,000 nerve endings and in comparison a clitoris has 8,000. The ridged band in the tip of the foreskin has 10-12,000 nerve endings, and in that sense is the male equivalent of a clitoris. In a circumcision it must be cut through before being removed. Back then they didn't know as much about circumcision as they do now. Back then parents had that excuse that they didn't know, but these days that's different. These days they've mapped the penis sensitivity, counted the nerve endings under a microscope, they've had infants monitored for heartrate, cortisol (stress hormone), blood oxygen saturation level and screaming with various painkillers and have come to the conclusion circumcision is indeed the most pain a human being can go through and the pain alone makes it very dangerous (on top of bleeding - hypovolemic shock is very common) for babies.
Back then circumcision was the majority. These days intact is the majority. Back then people thought circumcision is cleaner, these days they know intact is cleaner. And back then most parents had never seen a circumcision being done and they didn't know what it involves. Back then they used to think you had to retract an intact boy's foreskin, which brought about a lot of problems with infection and phimosis and balanitis. These days they know and teach parents (well if their knowledge is up to date) never, ever retract and only clean what you see.
Times have changed, and you don't look at your son sexually, you're thinking about him among his peers.
http://www.noharmm.org/appeal.htm An appeal to new fathers
http://www.drmomma.org/2009/09/circumcision-will-you-make-cut.html
http://www.circumcisionquotes.com/patricia.html As you can see, she was told it was healthy and painless. These days they know better.
http://www.drmomma.org/2009/09/fatherson-matching-penises-stop.html father/son matching penises
http://www.circumcision.org/others.htm circumcision to look like others
http://www.drmomma.org/2010/01/cut-vs-intact-outcome-statistics.html cut vs intact outcome statistics
At the end of the day, he needs to start thinking like a father. Considering the different generational differences, and what is known about circumcision, he needs to understand that his responsibility is to your son, and to protect him, and keep up-to-date with knowledge about baby care. Like back then, they used to tell women almost how not to breastfeed successfully, hence many women failed and resorted to bottle-feeding. Does he intend to make you follow the same advise as his mother? Back then they weaned babies onto solids at 4 months old. Now they know better and have realized that before 6 months can really affect the body permanently (and many adults ARE suffering the affects). Does he intend on making you feed him at 4 months old? Back then they thought it kept babies happy to be surrounded by toys in the crib. Now they know that is often fatal. Does he intend on making sure your son is surrounded by teddy bears just like many people used to? The bottom line is that some things are different. Circumcision is one of them.
Put simply, you not putting your baby boy through the pain and trauma has NOTHING to do with your husband's penis. It's not about hang-ups or sexual preferences, it's about good PARENTING.
Your situation is very common. It's called Adamant Father Syndrome. The best thing you could do is show him videos of it being done. I was almost in the same situation as you, but made him change his mind. I told him the truth about circumcision - they cut off 20,000 nerve endings and in comparison a clitoris has 8,000. The ridged band in the tip of the foreskin has 10-12,000 nerve endings, and in that sense is the male equivalent of a clitoris. In a circumcision it must be cut through before being removed. Back then they didn't know as much about circumcision as they do now. Back then parents had that excuse that they didn't know, but these days that's different. These days they've mapped the penis sensitivity, counted the nerve endings under a microscope, they've had infants monitored for heartrate, cortisol (stress hormone), blood oxygen saturation level and screaming with various painkillers and have come to the conclusion circumcision is indeed the most pain a human being can go through and the pain alone makes it very dangerous (on top of bleeding - hypovolemic shock is very common) for babies.
Back then circumcision was the majority. These days intact is the majority. Back then people thought circumcision is cleaner, these days they know intact is cleaner. And back then most parents had never seen a circumcision being done and they didn't know what it involves. Back then they used to think you had to retract an intact boy's foreskin, which brought about a lot of problems with infection and phimosis and balanitis. These days they know and teach parents (well if their knowledge is up to date) never, ever retract and only clean what you see.
Times have changed, and you don't look at your son sexually, you're thinking about him among his peers.
http://www.noharmm.org/appeal.htm An appeal to new fathers
http://www.drmomma.org/2009/09/circumcision-will-you-make-cut.html
http://www.circumcisionquotes.com/patricia.html As you can see, she was told it was healthy and painless. These days they know better.
http://www.drmomma.org/2009/09/fatherson-matching-penises-stop.html father/son matching penises
http://www.circumcision.org/others.htm circumcision to look like others
http://www.drmomma.org/2010/01/cut-vs-intact-outcome-statistics.html cut vs intact outcome statistics
At the end of the day, he needs to start thinking like a father. Considering the different generational differences, and what is known about circumcision, he needs to understand that his responsibility is to your son, and to protect him, and keep up-to-date with knowledge about baby care. Like back then, they used to tell women almost how not to breastfeed successfully, hence many women failed and resorted to bottle-feeding. Does he intend to make you follow the same advise as his mother? Back then they weaned babies onto solids at 4 months old. Now they know better and have realized that before 6 months can really affect the body permanently (and many adults ARE suffering the affects). Does he intend on making you feed him at 4 months old? Back then they thought it kept babies happy to be surrounded by toys in the crib. Now they know that is often fatal. Does he intend on making sure your son is surrounded by teddy bears just like many people used to? The bottom line is that some things are different. Circumcision is one of them.
Put simply, you not putting your baby boy through the pain and trauma has NOTHING to do with your husband's penis. It's not about hang-ups or sexual preferences, it's about good PARENTING.
Could we afford a baby with what we have?
Q. My husband and I are madly madly in love. Were young 22 and 23 years old. But we wanted to do things young. We married at 21 and 23 and want our first Child at 23 and 25.
My husband and I agreed that I should stay at home.
In Michigan GOOD quality childcare cost about 1k a month for good care. On top of, I want to raise my child, not have a stranger do it.
Here is what we have going for us.
My husband and I own a 3 bedroom 1.5 bathroom house with about 1300 Square feet of living space.-800 dollar mortgage
Health Insurance- We have the Blue Care network-Healthy Blue.
We have a Zero deductible and only a 10 dollar Co-pay for Doctor visits and 30 co pay for emergency room visits.
My car is paid off and his car will be paid off in December of 2010. 280 a month car payment.
However we do have about 8K in student loans and credit card payments.
My husband brings home between 2700-3500 a month depending on his commission.
Advice??
I always shop Second hand. Platos closet here in michigan is My FAV store.
I bought a pair of BCBG shoes for 14 dollars.
I work with kids now but get paid penny's to what my husband makes. My husband is still young and is Climbing up the Ladder at his work. We have alot of love for each other and Praise God that when we wake up, we have another beautiful day to live in his glory!
I always shop Second hand. Platos closet here in michigan is My FAV store.
I bought a pair of BCBG shoes for 14 dollars.
I work with kids now but get paid penny's to what my husband makes. My husband is still young and is Climbing up the Ladder at his work. We have alot of love for each other and Praise God that when we wake up, we have another beautiful day to live in his glory!
My husband and I agreed that I should stay at home.
In Michigan GOOD quality childcare cost about 1k a month for good care. On top of, I want to raise my child, not have a stranger do it.
Here is what we have going for us.
My husband and I own a 3 bedroom 1.5 bathroom house with about 1300 Square feet of living space.-800 dollar mortgage
Health Insurance- We have the Blue Care network-Healthy Blue.
We have a Zero deductible and only a 10 dollar Co-pay for Doctor visits and 30 co pay for emergency room visits.
My car is paid off and his car will be paid off in December of 2010. 280 a month car payment.
However we do have about 8K in student loans and credit card payments.
My husband brings home between 2700-3500 a month depending on his commission.
Advice??
I always shop Second hand. Platos closet here in michigan is My FAV store.
I bought a pair of BCBG shoes for 14 dollars.
I work with kids now but get paid penny's to what my husband makes. My husband is still young and is Climbing up the Ladder at his work. We have alot of love for each other and Praise God that when we wake up, we have another beautiful day to live in his glory!
I always shop Second hand. Platos closet here in michigan is My FAV store.
I bought a pair of BCBG shoes for 14 dollars.
I work with kids now but get paid penny's to what my husband makes. My husband is still young and is Climbing up the Ladder at his work. We have alot of love for each other and Praise God that when we wake up, we have another beautiful day to live in his glory!
Answer
You are so cute! I'm happy you are so in love!!
Oh honey you'll be more than okay to have a child. :) And let me tell you how you can save tons of money:
*Breastfeed exclusively, no bottles/pumps. As a SAHM that is easy!! And formula can cost upwards of $1200 a year!!!! Breastfed babies are also healthier overall, costing less in medical visits and prescriptions.
*Cloth diaper. You save THOUSANDS of dollars, and they can be used with future children as well. Also, there are many new modern types out there that are easy as anything, like this:
http://www.cottonbabies.com/product_info.php?cPath=28&products_id=1279
I switched to cloth when my daughter was 14 months, and I'm SO happy! :)
*Do baby-led weaning. Not only do you save money by offering real foods and not jarred stuff, but a baby who feeds herself eats exactly how much she needs. Purees are also completely unnecessary, since babies mash food with their gums. :)
*Buy secondhand or sale items. Our crib is convertible to a toddler bed and a double bed, and only cost $200. Our changing table is also a large dresser, and only cost $200. I've seen cribs sold for nearly $2000!! RIDICULOUS. I also found great toys, onesies, and blankets at yard sales for dirt cheap.
*Consider babywearing. A great sling or wrap costs far less than the average "travel system." It's also very beneficial for baby's physical, mental, and emotional development, not to mention allows mommy to go about her business.
*Speaking of carseats, get a convertible one. It will see your child into toddlerhood and beyond, depending on the type you buy, while you have to buy a new seat after 20 lbs if you get an infant carseat!
You are so cute! I'm happy you are so in love!!
Oh honey you'll be more than okay to have a child. :) And let me tell you how you can save tons of money:
*Breastfeed exclusively, no bottles/pumps. As a SAHM that is easy!! And formula can cost upwards of $1200 a year!!!! Breastfed babies are also healthier overall, costing less in medical visits and prescriptions.
*Cloth diaper. You save THOUSANDS of dollars, and they can be used with future children as well. Also, there are many new modern types out there that are easy as anything, like this:
http://www.cottonbabies.com/product_info.php?cPath=28&products_id=1279
I switched to cloth when my daughter was 14 months, and I'm SO happy! :)
*Do baby-led weaning. Not only do you save money by offering real foods and not jarred stuff, but a baby who feeds herself eats exactly how much she needs. Purees are also completely unnecessary, since babies mash food with their gums. :)
*Buy secondhand or sale items. Our crib is convertible to a toddler bed and a double bed, and only cost $200. Our changing table is also a large dresser, and only cost $200. I've seen cribs sold for nearly $2000!! RIDICULOUS. I also found great toys, onesies, and blankets at yard sales for dirt cheap.
*Consider babywearing. A great sling or wrap costs far less than the average "travel system." It's also very beneficial for baby's physical, mental, and emotional development, not to mention allows mommy to go about her business.
*Speaking of carseats, get a convertible one. It will see your child into toddlerhood and beyond, depending on the type you buy, while you have to buy a new seat after 20 lbs if you get an infant carseat!
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