Friday, September 13, 2013

How do I deal with people hyper-genderizing about my baby?

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Crane


I recently attended a party with my five month old daughter, and the other guests could not stop talking about what an extreme "girl" she was. It was fine at first - I mean, yes, she IS a girl - but it got to the point where no one was mentioning anything else. "What a girl she is! No one would mistake her for a boy! Look at those petite shoulders! Look at that face!" This went on and on. Worse, when she started touching the arm of another baby - a boy, who didn't mind, nor did his mother - others started saying, "What a forward female! Watch out for her!" I am confident that my daughter was NOT touching the boy out of any romantic feeling; she shows similar interest in little girls.

I just smiled through most of this, occasionally acknowledging, "Yes, she is a girl," but as she gets older, I don't want her to think that her primary characteristic is that of being a stereotypical "girl." How could I defuse this in future situations?



Answer
I know exactly what you mean!

I don't have any biological children, but hyper-gendered speech and actions to the children I care for (as a foster carer) is so strong at times that I dress all the newborns and small babies in neutral clothes and just say "I can't say the gender...". (We have had to hide children's gender before if they had a parent who was violent and prone to tracking their children down).

You could start with more neutral clothing.

What all your friends are doing is- unknowingly- reinforcing the stereotypes of femininity that society has taught us. There's not much to do about it, except maybe dressing your girl in the "boy's" clothes occasionally (or at least around these people) and giving her a mix of "boy" and "girl" toys. Which isn't a bad idea anyway.

Here's some common misconceptions about gender-neutral parenting, maybe it'll give you some ideas.
http://www.raisingmyboychick.com/2011/06/10-myths-about-gender-neutral-parenting/

will a nissan rogue fit three car seats?




raeann k


I have a 6 and 5 year old in two booster seats and just found out i'm expecting.. Will a 2011 Nissan Rogue fit 2 boosters and an infant car seat comfortably or should i start looking around for something bigger


Answer
Congratulations!

It totally depends on what seats your children will be riding in and in what positions.

Many parents have successfully installed three car seats across as shown here: http://www.car-seat.org/showthread.php?t=33226

I would look into the Chicco Key Fit 30 infant car seat as it is typically narrower than other infant car seats. Usually the KeyFit works best when installed in the center. Another option is using a convertible car seat straight from birth. Look at the lowest bottom slots measuring about 8 inches or less to ensure the harness straps can be adjusted at or below the baby's shoulders.

The Diono Radian is the narrowest car seat on the market that measures about 14" across the thighs and 17" wide at the shoulders. It is typically outgrown around age 3-5 rear facing and another two to three years forward facing. This means that it will be the last harnessed car seat your child will need. It is spendy, but it is indeed worth it. The Radian R100 can typically be found on sale on amazon for around $207: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=diono+radian+r100

A newborn needs their car seat in at at a 45 degree angle to keep their airway open and the Radian does take up a ton of front to back space in the vehicle. You could try installing it in the center seat and have the top part of the Radian fan between the two front vehicle seats. Or you could have the Radian installed behind the passenger seat, but have no one sit in the front passenger seat until your baby gets some head control. When your infant is older, you can always used the angle adjuster by Diono to get the seat more upright.

You can always use the Chicco KeyFit 30 then get the Diono Radian later so you don't have to eat the dashboard. It is completely up to you =]

But I have to warn you- boosters can be difficult to buckle in a three across situation. You might get some scraped knuckles, but it is indeed do-able.

Also, if you do install in the outboard seating position for the infant seat, installing with the seat belt generally gives you more room. When installing it with the seat belt, the car seat can be scooted closer to the door. The seat just needs to be installed with less than an inch of movement. The KeyFit 30 has a built in lock-off to aid seat belt installs.

My best advice for you is to go to Toys R Us and try out car seats and different combinations. If you are installing a car seat in the center position in the back seat, LATCH cannot be used as they aren't reinforced in the center (unless your vehicle manual says specifically that they can be used in the center). The lower anchors on the side seating positions are connected by a metal bar; this is (usually) not found in the center.




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