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hardcore_c
I'm 18 yrs old and my 13yr old cousin (Harley) just had a baby(Melissa).In which I am the godmother of. The baby was born on the 10th of Feb and she is a premie. Well the home (trailer) that Harley and Melissa live in is horriable it's almost impossiable to live in. 5 people in a 2 bedroom. To make a long story short. Harley is being neglected(spelled wrong). Her gardian refuses to help. Everything that melissa has, was bought for her from my family Also stuff from Wic.No one wants to help her out because all that everyone cares about is are their drugs and booze. Harley is young yet mature, she stays very stressed out. I help as much as I can. I just don't understand how blood can turn down this 13 yr old child and refuse to help her. Yes she shouldn't even be having sex but I respect her for keeping her baby. How do I get Harley and Melissa to live with me. I dont want it to get ugly. What are the TN laws? (Im from Illinois) Im just stressed and hurt about the whole situation.
Answer
There are a few very important factors to consider here, some of which have already been mentioned.
First of all, you need to ask yourself a few questions....
Are you, at 18 years old, mature enough to become a parent to a teenager and an infant? You do realize that's what you'd be doing, right? Not just becoming a parent to the baby, but to it's mother as well. Melissa is not old enough to be a parent, she still needs one!
Do you make enough money to adequately support a 13 year old and an infant and yourself? Please realize that, in giving you custody of these two children, the state would want them EACH to have a bedroom. Can you afford a 3 bedroom house/apartment? Can you afford to feed and clothe them? Does your work schedule permit for being home to help the teen with her homework? Can you afford diapers and wipes and diaper cream and baby wash and toys? Will you be able to pay the electric bill without struggling? The 13 year old is still too young to have the option of quitting school early....Can you afford day care while she is attending school? Do you have a car, and the ability to put gas in it to drive them both to doctors' appointments and such? The teen is too young to sign legal papers pertaining to her baby's care, such as those required for vaccinations at the doctor's office, so you will need to take the baby to those appointments....Does your job permit the ability to take that time off, every month? Vaccinations are given at 2, 4, 6, 9, 12, 15, 18, and 24 months, just to start out with. You'll need that day off every other month at least, not to mention when the baby is sick, you'll be the one taking her to the doctor. Are you going to lose your job when you start taking all these days off? What's the call-in policy at your job? Babies don't give notice when they're going to get sick. In addition, do you plan to have the extra money lying around for emergencies, such as Infant Tylenol, Cold medicines, prescriptions that the insurance doesn't cover? Also, can you properly care for an infant? Do you know how to use a nasal aspirator? Do you have a humidifier? Is the house baby-proofed? Do you have a crib? A stroller? I am assuming the mother already has a car seat.....
There are LOTS of things to consider.
Now, on to the legal aspects.....The first step in removing a child, or children, from an improper home, is to prove that their guardians are unfit. This means you have to prove to a court, or the Department of Children and Families, that the child is being harmed, or is in a possibly harmful situation, is being abused, or neglected. If any of these are the situation, you can make an anonymous report, or leave your name, with DCS/DSS/DCF, and they will investigate. If they agree that Melissa and Harley are being harmed or neglected, they will remove them from the home.
Here's the hard part, they probably aren't going to give them to you. They will be placed in foster care, most likely together, but there is a possibility that Harley will be taken from Melissa, because very few foster families are willing to take teen moms and their babies. Then you would have to petition for custody, but be aware that the court will give Melissa's guardians adequate time to get custody of her again. They will re-investigate the matter every 30-90 days and if the parents clean up their act, the kids go back to them. In the mean time, they may allow the girls to live with you, but you have to be aware that around 50% of children eventually go back to their biological guardians.
Your parents, if they are willing, would have better luck getting custody of Melissa and Harley. Most courts will not, simply WILL NOT, give an 18 year old custody of ONE child, much less two. I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but it just doesn't happen, and especially not in Tennessee where people would rather glance the other way than admit a problem. You really need someone older, with a more stable home, to get custody of the girls, and then if that person wants to let them live with you, Great!
The other option you have is to request, from Melissa's parents, that perhaps she and the baby would be more comfortable living with you. If they truly don't care about her or the infant, they may just let her go, especially since you're a cousin. I'd try that first, before you go forth with any legal activity.
Good Luck!
There are a few very important factors to consider here, some of which have already been mentioned.
First of all, you need to ask yourself a few questions....
Are you, at 18 years old, mature enough to become a parent to a teenager and an infant? You do realize that's what you'd be doing, right? Not just becoming a parent to the baby, but to it's mother as well. Melissa is not old enough to be a parent, she still needs one!
Do you make enough money to adequately support a 13 year old and an infant and yourself? Please realize that, in giving you custody of these two children, the state would want them EACH to have a bedroom. Can you afford a 3 bedroom house/apartment? Can you afford to feed and clothe them? Does your work schedule permit for being home to help the teen with her homework? Can you afford diapers and wipes and diaper cream and baby wash and toys? Will you be able to pay the electric bill without struggling? The 13 year old is still too young to have the option of quitting school early....Can you afford day care while she is attending school? Do you have a car, and the ability to put gas in it to drive them both to doctors' appointments and such? The teen is too young to sign legal papers pertaining to her baby's care, such as those required for vaccinations at the doctor's office, so you will need to take the baby to those appointments....Does your job permit the ability to take that time off, every month? Vaccinations are given at 2, 4, 6, 9, 12, 15, 18, and 24 months, just to start out with. You'll need that day off every other month at least, not to mention when the baby is sick, you'll be the one taking her to the doctor. Are you going to lose your job when you start taking all these days off? What's the call-in policy at your job? Babies don't give notice when they're going to get sick. In addition, do you plan to have the extra money lying around for emergencies, such as Infant Tylenol, Cold medicines, prescriptions that the insurance doesn't cover? Also, can you properly care for an infant? Do you know how to use a nasal aspirator? Do you have a humidifier? Is the house baby-proofed? Do you have a crib? A stroller? I am assuming the mother already has a car seat.....
There are LOTS of things to consider.
Now, on to the legal aspects.....The first step in removing a child, or children, from an improper home, is to prove that their guardians are unfit. This means you have to prove to a court, or the Department of Children and Families, that the child is being harmed, or is in a possibly harmful situation, is being abused, or neglected. If any of these are the situation, you can make an anonymous report, or leave your name, with DCS/DSS/DCF, and they will investigate. If they agree that Melissa and Harley are being harmed or neglected, they will remove them from the home.
Here's the hard part, they probably aren't going to give them to you. They will be placed in foster care, most likely together, but there is a possibility that Harley will be taken from Melissa, because very few foster families are willing to take teen moms and their babies. Then you would have to petition for custody, but be aware that the court will give Melissa's guardians adequate time to get custody of her again. They will re-investigate the matter every 30-90 days and if the parents clean up their act, the kids go back to them. In the mean time, they may allow the girls to live with you, but you have to be aware that around 50% of children eventually go back to their biological guardians.
Your parents, if they are willing, would have better luck getting custody of Melissa and Harley. Most courts will not, simply WILL NOT, give an 18 year old custody of ONE child, much less two. I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but it just doesn't happen, and especially not in Tennessee where people would rather glance the other way than admit a problem. You really need someone older, with a more stable home, to get custody of the girls, and then if that person wants to let them live with you, Great!
The other option you have is to request, from Melissa's parents, that perhaps she and the baby would be more comfortable living with you. If they truly don't care about her or the infant, they may just let her go, especially since you're a cousin. I'd try that first, before you go forth with any legal activity.
Good Luck!
What kind of things do you add to your baby registry?
Amy
I have no idea where to begin.. or end, for that matter.
Answer
I went to babies r us and Target. At first I wasn't going to go to babies r us, but it is amazing how much more they have than Target.
First do not register for any cute clothes. That is what most people will buy you so why register and get more outfits than you will know what to do with.
Here are some things for your registry
Bottles -even if you are breastfeeding put dowm some bottles just in case.
Bottle brush cleaner
Bottle drying rack
Swing
play mat
some toys
infant tub
hooded towels
washclothes
baby bath soap- johnsons or aveeno - I love aveeno
diapers- i wouldn't put tons of size 1 or 2 (maybe 2 boxes of each and I never bought newborn diapers)
wipes
stroller and carseat- put down for an extra base if you have more than one car
blankets- i got tons of these but you never know if you will get a lot or not
socks
sleepers, gowns
onesies ( 0-3 months, 3-6 months, 6-9 months
high chair ( personally I love the Fisher Price Space Saver)
crib
changing table not a necessity but I love mine for changing and storage
thermometer
baby medicine like mylicon drops, fever reducer
That is all I can think of for now. Good luck
I went to babies r us and Target. At first I wasn't going to go to babies r us, but it is amazing how much more they have than Target.
First do not register for any cute clothes. That is what most people will buy you so why register and get more outfits than you will know what to do with.
Here are some things for your registry
Bottles -even if you are breastfeeding put dowm some bottles just in case.
Bottle brush cleaner
Bottle drying rack
Swing
play mat
some toys
infant tub
hooded towels
washclothes
baby bath soap- johnsons or aveeno - I love aveeno
diapers- i wouldn't put tons of size 1 or 2 (maybe 2 boxes of each and I never bought newborn diapers)
wipes
stroller and carseat- put down for an extra base if you have more than one car
blankets- i got tons of these but you never know if you will get a lot or not
socks
sleepers, gowns
onesies ( 0-3 months, 3-6 months, 6-9 months
high chair ( personally I love the Fisher Price Space Saver)
crib
changing table not a necessity but I love mine for changing and storage
thermometer
baby medicine like mylicon drops, fever reducer
That is all I can think of for now. Good luck
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